could i get away with...

The other day I was at Walmart and after I checked out I ran my credit card and sat and waited for it to process. I looked at the little screen and it said "give card to cashier to check signature" so pretty standard procedure every couple of visits or so. So I went to reach for my card when the cashier just pushed the button gave me my receipt and said have a nice day. So I figured he just didn't feel like taking the time to check. So I went on my merry way limping out of the store, oh did I mention I pretty much walk with this combination limp shuffle or liffle now. You see nobody warned me when I was dating and deciding who to marry that I should pay attention to the head size of the guy I wanted to be with. You see we Davis's all have HUGE heads. Really in high school and college a lot of girls would be all flirtatious and take a boys hat and wear it around, well I could never do that cause my head was so big. Most guys hats just kind of rest on the top of my head, kind of like a beanie. So when I started dating my husband and amazingly his hats fit my head my mom should have warned me right away not to marry him because I would have very large baby heads to cart around inside of me and to attempt to push out of my body. So anyway this large headed baby of mine was causing me to do my liffle out of Walmart when I set off the security beeper as I walked out the door. So I stopped and realized immediately that it was the baby monitor I had just bought. I turned around and looked at the greeter to explain, she took one look at me and said "go ahead, don't worry about it". So I turned around and left. As I was liffling out to my car I realized I was getting some extra special treatment because I am sooooooo pregnant. I mean I had a full cart of bags, I could have stolen an I Pod, some drugs, a small tv, and lots and lots of cookies, but because I was pregnant somehow I am more trustworthy and less likely to steal stuff. Maybe they figure I am so slow I could never get away. So as I was driving home it hit me, what am I thinking telling people I am fine when they ask when really I want to scream. I have given up my body for 9 months, I should be taking advantage of any and all "fringe benefits" I can get. I thought I should speed everywhere I go and take all traffic laws as suggestions. If I get pulled over I can just say sorry I wasn't paying attention cause I was having a contraction. Or I could steal whatever I want and if I do get caught, which apparently isn't likely to happen, I could just play dumb and say I didn't realize I hadn't paid for it cause I am so busy thinking of this baby that is about to come out of me, or if all else failed I could just start crying. I find that there are few people who are immune to a woman who is pregnant and crying, it is like a combination knock out punch. Then I really got to thinking. You see my little sister is also pregnant right now, she is about 6 weeks behind me. Anyway she is about 5 feet tall and is super cute, young looking, and has huge blue eyes. I think she got pulled over about 150 times in high school and would just well up some tears in those big blue eyes and she NEVER got a ticket! So anyway I think the two of us could team up and knock off some banks and jewelry stores. Think about it who would suspect two pregnant women, one of whom is really little and cute (obviously my sister) and the other who walks with a liffle and is HUGE (obviously me) knocking off a bank in a white minivan. For added measure we could bring along my darling three year old daughter to distract the security guards while my sister and I collect the money then we could speed off into the sunset where if we got pulled over we could just pretend that we were both in labor. It is a fool proof plan!