So I made the mistake the other day of looking at a website that showed diagrams of what the baby looked like inside the mommy week by week. So I rapidly clicked on week 34, week 35, 36, and so on until 40. Let me tell you it was not a good idea. At week 34 the baby looked pretty squished (and I can assure you that it is by the way that I feel right now) and then it kept getting worse and worse. I think I was probably a little pale at this point as I was realizing what is going to happen to me. That is when my husband came in the room and I told him what I had just looked at and that I was afraid, to which he replied "you have done this three times before why are you surprised". Ah the voice of reason. Really when is he going to learn that reason goes out the window the minute two lines appear on that test. So I say that ya I have done it before and that I had forgotten and that if you didn't forget the world would not be populated right now. So for all you women out there who are thinking of getting pregnant AGAIN let me tell you that my ribs hurt to the point that I walk around with my back arched hoping to make more room then I end up with a back ache. Also maternity clothes are getting too small for me so they are constantly uncomfortable and I am living in a state with the longest winter EVER so I can't wear any of my dresses or skirts which are much more comfy. Oh and lately every night my arm falls asleep and is constantly waking me up, that is when I am not being woken up by the need to use the bathroom three times a night. Then there is the constant ache in my lower belly and my ligaments (I feel like a barbie that can just have her legs easily snapped off at the hips). The baby is sitting so low that crossing my legs is not possible and really I just want to sit with them sprawled open which really doesn't work too well at church. My hands and feet puff up without any notice and I am really running low on energy. I am hungry all the time but sick of cooking, oh and I would give ANYTHING to be able to sleep on my tummy, I miss that so. So if that last paragraph isn't good birth control I don't know what is.
It is kind of funny cause two weeks ago I was really feeling pretty good, comfortable, lots of energy. So it makes me pretty sure that this little baby of mine has gained 3 pounds in the last week. Now a couple of pounds may not seem like a lot until you relate it to something. Like the website I read saying a 4 pound baby is about the size of a cantaloupe. Then I think of my first daughter who was 7lb 10oz and I think I had two cantaloupes in me plus a placenta, water, and an umbilical cord. My son who was 8lb 8 oz would be two cantaloupes and 3 bananas and my third kid who weighed in at a whopping 9 lbs 2 oz was a watermelon, really watermelons are that size. I remember they gave her a little pink shirt that said "I was born at St. Pete's" and it kept rolling up her fat belly because it was too small, it was soooo cute. So anyway the rapid increase of my belly recently has made me very fearful of having an even bigger baby, so I have decided to ask my doc tomorrow what her policy is on inducing early (on a side note my babies have all come early and still been big pieces of fruit). So I am hoping that she will say "sure I will induce you a week early". The interesting thing is the reactions I get from others when I tell them I want to do this. What is it about pregnancy and babies that makes people SO JUDGEMENTAL. I had one friend talking about another saying the girl had been induced early and she just didn't see why anyone would do that (oh course she has all her babies three weeks early so I don't think she has room to talk). So when I told her that I was going to ask my doc about it she just said "oh". Then my sis was telling me about a blog she had read about women who feel that they are judged badly by others because they bottle feed instead of breastfeed. Then there are the total strangers out there who stop me in the store and ask me how much milk I am drinking to make sure that I am treating my baby right. We pregnant women get judged for not exercising, for exercising too much (I so don't fall into that category), for having an epidural or going natural, really the list goes on and on. I wish I could say that we are only judged by men who don't know or people so old they have forgotten, but unfortunately I see women who have had babies recently themselves giving pregnant women the hardest time. Why does this happen? Maybe it is because we think everyone should do it our way cause if they do it different and it works out that means that we have somehow done it wrong. Or maybe we feel such a huge sense of responsibility towards our own children that we feel we have to watch out for all the children out there too. Who knows why, but I hope I can learn from these experiences and support all pregnant women out there. Except I will always take exception to women who smoke when they are pregnant, cause come on that one is pretty obvious! So anyway that is my little soap box for the day, or one of them anyway, I am in my last month anger and outrage come easily to me, teehee!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
FAT
Well somewhere in the last two months it happened. I got fat. I have not gained 50 pounds, and I don't think I will, so I am not completely depressed... but I am definitely fat. How did this happen, I was doing so well. For the times I wasn't doing well the pneumonia and multiple bouts of stomache flu kept me on track. I wonder... could it be the mint chocolate ice cream, maybe the oreo cookies, then there was that cheesecake that one time (man that was good). So really the culprit is that sometime in the last two months I officially got my sweet tooth back, and I think it felt like it had some catching up to do. Now some of you out there will be like my husband and say "you're not fat your pregnant". Well that is a nice thing to say, but I am not carying the baby in my rear end and that part of my body has grown faster than my belly. So these are the ways I have been forced to end my denial and realize that I have truly gotten fat. Ironically I don't know that I am fat from stepping on the scale because quite honestly I avoid that like the plague. When I see my scale I usually nudge it under the counter, put it in a closet, or try and flush it down the toilet, but it always comes back. The times that I am forced to step on the scale (dr. office) I have a list of excuses that pop into my head before the nurse stops tapping that stupid weight continuosly to the right (just once I would like that weight to be tapped to the left). Like "wow I am retaining 10 pounds of water", or "oh no I shouldn't have worn my lead underware today". On a side note as uncomfortable as it can be to get swollen I am pretty sure all pregnant women are greatful for the whole water retention thing so they can always have that excuse at weighing time. So no the scale doesn't tell me I am fat. One way I know that I am fat is that my children have told me. My three year old is really into that size comparison thing from watching kids shows. So these days if something is small she says it is little like her and if something is big she says "that is big, like mommy", never that something is big like daddy. Then there is my eight year old who said the other day "mom, it is a good thing you are pregnant or I would think you are really fat". We all know that kids don't lie, so I have to accept their words as truth. Another way that I know I am fat is that my maternity clothes are not tight on my belly, but some of them are sure tight on my legs. Also if I kneel down on the floor it feels like there is something wedged between the back of my legs and my calves, this is not too comfortable, so when I look to see what this offending material is so that I can remove it I realize "oh ya, that is just my fat and unfortunately it can't be removed easily". I was making my bed the other day and I noticed there is definitely an indentation in the matress at my hip butt thigh area, it was not a pretty sight. It reminded me of a Simpsons episode where someone invades their house and the thing that Homer is most horrified about is that they ruined his "butt groove" on his couch (they used a different word on the show but I try to keep things clean) so I, like Homer, have a butt groove and any comparing of one's body to Homer Simpsons means that you are officially fat. I also realized that I have deffinite signs of fat old man syndrome, you know every time a fat man gets up he has to pull his pants up (which my husband pointed out we are grateful they do), well whenever I stand up I have to give my pants that tug, and not just a little tug but a tug in the front, the back and on the sides of my pants.
This whole pregnancy thing really isn't fair. We women give up so much for these children, our figures, our sanity, our ability to have a normal adult conversation or to leave the house with just a cute little purse. What do we get in return... no sleep, blow out diapers, cholic (for us and the baby) oh ya and a cute addorable little baby (so ya I know it is totaly worth it). So this time around rather than get depressed about the fattness I have decided to embrace it. I LOVE MY FAT!!!!!!!!! Okay so maybe that is a lie. I am trying to not let it get to me and just accepting it as part of what my body does when I am pregnant. The other night my husband was reading the paper on line and there was a bunch of articles on pregnancy so he says "do you want to know how many women gain 40 or more pounds in pregnancy?" so I say sure thinking the number will make me feel better about myself. So he clicks on the link and is silent for a moment and says "are you sure you want to know?". So I say "just tell me" 20%!!!!!! Can you believe it!!!!! My first reaction was to cry or to throw something (it seems these days my first reaction is always to throw something). So I only have 20% of pregnant women out there to keep me company in my fatness, whats the deal? But then I remebered the whole "not overreacting deal of it being part of my pregnancies blah blah blah". So I nonchalantly said "oh that is interesting". Really who cares, I only have six more weeks out of this and as long as I get a healthy baby I will be okay with a bunch of extra fat thrown into the deal (but really I am almost positive that it is ALL WATER).
This whole pregnancy thing really isn't fair. We women give up so much for these children, our figures, our sanity, our ability to have a normal adult conversation or to leave the house with just a cute little purse. What do we get in return... no sleep, blow out diapers, cholic (for us and the baby) oh ya and a cute addorable little baby (so ya I know it is totaly worth it). So this time around rather than get depressed about the fattness I have decided to embrace it. I LOVE MY FAT!!!!!!!!! Okay so maybe that is a lie. I am trying to not let it get to me and just accepting it as part of what my body does when I am pregnant. The other night my husband was reading the paper on line and there was a bunch of articles on pregnancy so he says "do you want to know how many women gain 40 or more pounds in pregnancy?" so I say sure thinking the number will make me feel better about myself. So he clicks on the link and is silent for a moment and says "are you sure you want to know?". So I say "just tell me" 20%!!!!!! Can you believe it!!!!! My first reaction was to cry or to throw something (it seems these days my first reaction is always to throw something). So I only have 20% of pregnant women out there to keep me company in my fatness, whats the deal? But then I remebered the whole "not overreacting deal of it being part of my pregnancies blah blah blah". So I nonchalantly said "oh that is interesting". Really who cares, I only have six more weeks out of this and as long as I get a healthy baby I will be okay with a bunch of extra fat thrown into the deal (but really I am almost positive that it is ALL WATER).
Sunday, April 13, 2008
the unintended consequences of pregnancy
You know how in life there are often times you do something and then something totally unexpected happens because of it. Well I have been pregnant 3 times before this so you would think that I would know everything to expect, the sickness, backaches, hip soreness, inability to breathe, general grumpiness, etc. Well with this pregnancy I was hit with another one. I was driving my eight year old daughter to her piano lessons when out of right field, boom, she hits me with this question "mom, in the olden days how did women know they were pregnant?" I just sat there.... uh uh stall stall. "Hmm" I thought as I prayed that the light would quickly turn green, "how do I answer this in a sweet innocent way". So lamely I said "I don't have time to tell you since we are almost there so I will have to tell you later", I know avoidance. So I went home and told my husband and we tried to think of anyway to answer this question without flat out lying with something corny like "the stork sent them a letter telling them so" (which probably wouldn't work on her since she figured out the whole Santa Claus/Easter Bunny thing a long time ago) or having "THE TALK"!!!!!!!! Now some of you smart ladies out there who all ready have kids are saying right now "wait a minute how did you avoid baby questions with your last baby when she was five"? To all of you I say "good question". You see it is a lot easier to give a very innocent watered down answer to a five year old, cause at that point in a child's life they are nice and sweet and think their parents know everything. So when I was preg with #3 and she asked how the baby got inside me I just said "daddy put it there" and she was just fine with that answer. When my sister's little boy asked how her baby was going to get out she just told him "mommy has a hole down there that the baby comes out of" (I think I got that right, she can correct me in the after comments if she would like) and her son was fine with that. However, that kind of stuff doesn't work now because sometime in the last 3 years she has figured out that we don't know everything. Probably because half the questions she asks me I have to answer "I don't know" to. I mean how are we parents supposed to know all this, I have my degree in social work not physics, zoology, astronomy, or biology. So of course kids feel fine asking how hot the sun is, how can you tell the difference between different dinosaur bones, why don't sharks ever stop swimming, and I just say I don't know, but the minute she asks me the five stages of grief I will have the answer! (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, see I really do know). So anyway this brings me back to the whole point of this blog which is that we figured it was time for THE TALK!!!!.
So I sat down alone with her and told her I was going to answer her questions she had been having about babies. Then I asked her if she knew what sex was to which she said yes. So I asked what she thought it was to which she replied "love" to which I replied "no, sex is not love" then I told her basically what it was, to which she replied "gross" with a horrified look on her face. Then we talked about how this related to making babies and that led to the whole description of what a period was to which she had an even more horrified look on her face and said "that's scary". So I tried to calm her fears and say it was all normal to which she said "can we talk about something else now". So I tried to hurry and wrap things up by hitting hormones, body changes, and how someday she would want to have sex but to WAIT UNTIL SHE WAS IN LOVE AND MARRIED. To which she agreed, of course I thing she would have agreed to having her teeth drilled without Novocaine if I would just stop talking. So anyway I have now passed one of those major parenting hurdles and I can honestly say it was way worse for her than it was for me and for the first time in recent history my daughter who is usually full of questions had her lips shut tight.
It was funny cause it made me think back to when I learned all this wonderful stuff. I remember in first grade I had a friend tell me what sex was and I absolutely didn't believe her, not even a little bit. Once in kindergarten I was playing at my friends house and she told me that french kissing was when you put your tongue in someone else's mouth. I didn't believe her so we went down stairs and turned on the tv to whatever day time soap was on and carefully studied the kissing to see where the tongues were, and sure enough there were tongues in mouths! I was horrified and thought it was the grossest thing in the world. When I told my husband this story he said he was glad I had gotten over it (he can be a funny boy). I honestly don't remember if my parents ever had THE TALK with me. They very well could have and I have just repressed it to the deep dark reaches of my subconscious, which is what I think my daughter has been doing today.
So I sat down alone with her and told her I was going to answer her questions she had been having about babies. Then I asked her if she knew what sex was to which she said yes. So I asked what she thought it was to which she replied "love" to which I replied "no, sex is not love" then I told her basically what it was, to which she replied "gross" with a horrified look on her face. Then we talked about how this related to making babies and that led to the whole description of what a period was to which she had an even more horrified look on her face and said "that's scary". So I tried to calm her fears and say it was all normal to which she said "can we talk about something else now". So I tried to hurry and wrap things up by hitting hormones, body changes, and how someday she would want to have sex but to WAIT UNTIL SHE WAS IN LOVE AND MARRIED. To which she agreed, of course I thing she would have agreed to having her teeth drilled without Novocaine if I would just stop talking. So anyway I have now passed one of those major parenting hurdles and I can honestly say it was way worse for her than it was for me and for the first time in recent history my daughter who is usually full of questions had her lips shut tight.
It was funny cause it made me think back to when I learned all this wonderful stuff. I remember in first grade I had a friend tell me what sex was and I absolutely didn't believe her, not even a little bit. Once in kindergarten I was playing at my friends house and she told me that french kissing was when you put your tongue in someone else's mouth. I didn't believe her so we went down stairs and turned on the tv to whatever day time soap was on and carefully studied the kissing to see where the tongues were, and sure enough there were tongues in mouths! I was horrified and thought it was the grossest thing in the world. When I told my husband this story he said he was glad I had gotten over it (he can be a funny boy). I honestly don't remember if my parents ever had THE TALK with me. They very well could have and I have just repressed it to the deep dark reaches of my subconscious, which is what I think my daughter has been doing today.
Friday, April 4, 2008
the secret underworld of doctor's staff meetings
As I was at the doctor's office yesterday trying to pee in a little cup, and trying is the important word here, I had a vision of a doctors office staff meeting and this is how it went.
evil doctor- "okay everyone lets start the meeting, what was on last months agenda"
neurotic receptionist- "let's see (looks at notes) oh ya the same thing that is on every agenda, what can we do to make these visits even worse for a pregnant woman."
evil doctor- "that's right, now everyone needs to do their part. Reception what efforts are you making?"
neurotic receptionist- "We make sure to have them stand and wait at our clear glass window while we laugh with each other for about two minutes before we open it and check them in, and then we make sure the only magazines in the waiting room are trashy, boring, and out of date."
evil doctor- "Good, nursing what are you doing?"
sadistic nurse- "(with an evil laugh) We have soooo much fun. First we make them wait at least 15 minutes before we call them in, then we set all the scales 5 pounds heavier than they really are, then we make sure to walk through all the hallways really fast so they have to hurry to keep up with us which they can't do cause they are big fat pregnant ladies (another evil laugh). Oh and when we weigh them we make sure to not say a thing but to LOOK really judgemental as we write the number down."
evil doctor- "all that is really good, but lets try to think of more. Ultrasound, what are you doing"
ultrasound technician- "we tell them they have to get here with a full bladder then we make them wait 30 minutes for their appt, then we push really hard on their bladders during the exam. Oh and you know how everyone says a pregnant woman shouldn't be on her back, and we all know how uncomfortable that is for her, well we make her lay on her back the whole time!"
(high fives are given throughout the room)
evil doctor- "good keep up the good work. Lab how are your efforts going?"
lab worker- "well we just put in an order for even smaller cups to collect urine samples with so those last 6 visits where she can't even see down there will be nearly impossible, oh and we put really fat markers in the bathroom and have told her to write even more information on the small cup with it like her name, b-day, pet's names and shoe size."
sadistic nurse- "oh make her write her weight on there too, she will get really depressed at that."
lab worker- "good idea"
evil doctor- "okay, from the doctor side our efforts are of course to make her wait in the exam room for at least 15 min with nothing to look at but posters of how she will look when she is 10cm dilated, then when we listen to the heart beat we will put way too much of the goo on her belly, oh and we will make sure it is cold, then we won't wipe it all off. Oh and at the end of pregnancy we will get her hopes up in the last two weeks by saying "any day now" when really we know she will go over due. So lets all have a great month of torturing these women, and remember if you can think of any reason at all to make them come in for an extra visit go for it!"
So that was my vision, really though I do love my doctor, she is great and most everyone in the office is really nice. But I hate peeing in that cup and stepping on that scale so it gets me in a bad imaginative mood. Anyway whoever said pregnant woman were rational (has anyone ever said that) was dead wrong!
evil doctor- "okay everyone lets start the meeting, what was on last months agenda"
neurotic receptionist- "let's see (looks at notes) oh ya the same thing that is on every agenda, what can we do to make these visits even worse for a pregnant woman."
evil doctor- "that's right, now everyone needs to do their part. Reception what efforts are you making?"
neurotic receptionist- "We make sure to have them stand and wait at our clear glass window while we laugh with each other for about two minutes before we open it and check them in, and then we make sure the only magazines in the waiting room are trashy, boring, and out of date."
evil doctor- "Good, nursing what are you doing?"
sadistic nurse- "(with an evil laugh) We have soooo much fun. First we make them wait at least 15 minutes before we call them in, then we set all the scales 5 pounds heavier than they really are, then we make sure to walk through all the hallways really fast so they have to hurry to keep up with us which they can't do cause they are big fat pregnant ladies (another evil laugh). Oh and when we weigh them we make sure to not say a thing but to LOOK really judgemental as we write the number down."
evil doctor- "all that is really good, but lets try to think of more. Ultrasound, what are you doing"
ultrasound technician- "we tell them they have to get here with a full bladder then we make them wait 30 minutes for their appt, then we push really hard on their bladders during the exam. Oh and you know how everyone says a pregnant woman shouldn't be on her back, and we all know how uncomfortable that is for her, well we make her lay on her back the whole time!"
(high fives are given throughout the room)
evil doctor- "good keep up the good work. Lab how are your efforts going?"
lab worker- "well we just put in an order for even smaller cups to collect urine samples with so those last 6 visits where she can't even see down there will be nearly impossible, oh and we put really fat markers in the bathroom and have told her to write even more information on the small cup with it like her name, b-day, pet's names and shoe size."
sadistic nurse- "oh make her write her weight on there too, she will get really depressed at that."
lab worker- "good idea"
evil doctor- "okay, from the doctor side our efforts are of course to make her wait in the exam room for at least 15 min with nothing to look at but posters of how she will look when she is 10cm dilated, then when we listen to the heart beat we will put way too much of the goo on her belly, oh and we will make sure it is cold, then we won't wipe it all off. Oh and at the end of pregnancy we will get her hopes up in the last two weeks by saying "any day now" when really we know she will go over due. So lets all have a great month of torturing these women, and remember if you can think of any reason at all to make them come in for an extra visit go for it!"
So that was my vision, really though I do love my doctor, she is great and most everyone in the office is really nice. But I hate peeing in that cup and stepping on that scale so it gets me in a bad imaginative mood. Anyway whoever said pregnant woman were rational (has anyone ever said that) was dead wrong!
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