I am SICK of dealing with this crap!

Seriously I am sick of dealing with this crap. I am potty training my three year old and she does perfectly in the #1 department and almost perfect in the #2 department. However, almost perfect is not too fun for mom. It seems every 4 or 5 days we have what some people call "an accident" but I call a toxic waste spill. I wonder what the EPA would do if called them and asked them to come contain the toxic spill in my daughters Dora the Explorer underwear (or undies as she insists on calling them).
I am also getting a little sick of the attitude I am getting out of my pint sized three year old. This was my morning, me- "do you want breakfast", her (in a screeching voice)- "no, I want breakfast", me-"okay go sit in your chair", her (in the same screeching voice)- "no, I don't want to sit in my chair", me- "where do you want to sit", her-"in my chair". By now my husband is laughing his head off in the other room. She finally sits in her chair at which point I ask if she wants to say the prayer, her reply "no, mommy say the prayer". So I say the prayer. When I finish she starts crying and tells me that she wanted to say the prayer. So I tell her to say another prayer. So she proceeds to cry her prayer. By now my husband and I are both laughing. It was really the funniest prayer I have ever heard. So anyway she ate then was a little happier for the rest of the morning. It is all very annoying because I think only one person per house should be allowed to be grumpy and this week I want to be that person. Do you think if I explain it to her she will agree? I am pretty sure she will say "NO, I want to be grumpy" then five minutes later she will say "Mommy, you be grumpy"!

A House Of Idiots

Well it is true, I am actually feeling good, I would almost say great. I am not sick, I am not tired and I am not big enough to be uncomfortable. Sometimes I even forget that I am pregnant until I try to bend over. I have had to adjust my straight forward bend down to legs slightly apart then squat a little and bend a little, it may not be pretty but it works. So anyway you probably think that I would just enjoy this time of well being and relax. But here is the thing after being sick for so long sitting around and doing nothing just doesn't appeal to me. Plus the more time I have with nothing to do but clean the house and read books to my three year old the longer pregnancy is. So I have taken on a project. Of course it is not something simple and easy, no it is tearing up my kitchen floor. Now a lot of you all ready know that we live in a house built in 1950 that we bought in August. We like the house a lot except for the nightmare kitchen. It is pretty bad, no counter space no cabinet space, and yes those upper cabinets are literally taller than me. So anyway I discovered that some design impaired idiot covered up hard wood floors with plastic blue floor tiles sometime in the 1960's, then in the 80's some other idiot covered the blue floor tiles with pink and white linoleum. If this house has been owned by a handful of idiots what does that say about me, hmmmmm. Anyway, I LOVE hard wood floors, they are my favorite home decor thing. So I decided for my project to remove all the idiot inspired linoleum and tiles. This is not an easy job. In fact it is really difficult. So much so to the point that I really am convinced that owning this house really does make you an idiot. This is how the process goes.

1. Cut the linoleum into strips with a knife.

2. Say a prayer that it will just peel off.

3. Say a prayer of gratitude when some of it does.

4. Chip away at the pieces that don't with a putty knife while you trying not to curse.

Pink linoleum gone now move onto the blue floor tiles

5. Place an iron set to high on the tile.

6. After it is hot take a hammer and putty knife and pry with the knife while banging the back of it with the hammer.

7. Repeat steps 5 & 6 again and again and again for 140 sq ft of kitchen floor.

Blue tiles gone, now for the fun part the idiot who put down these blue tiles glued two layers of this black felt like tar paper to the wood floor first.

8. Boil a big pot of water and vinegar.

9. Spread a towel over the black paper.

10. Pour boiling water over the towel.

11. For the next two days every four or five hours scrape more paper off the floor as the water softens and disintegrates the glue. This step also involves a lot of trying not to curse.

12. Scrub the wood floor with crud cutter to remove all extra glue.

So that is what my project is. Last night as I was scrapping off some of the tar paper I had a vision of a middle aged man in the 1960's gluing down the last blue tile and saying to his wife "this floor is NEVER coming up!". So ya I think this house has turned me into a flooring idiot, but at least my floor will be pretty and classic when it is done. I know I know I could have easily just covered the floor with another layer of something else, but honestly there was starting to be a definite difference in floor levels from the kitchen to the other rooms. Pretty soon we would have needed a step ladder to get from one room to the other and I all ready use a step ladder to get into my cupboards. I don't want two step ladders in my house. So anyway there is my project, but really I have always liked projects I feel really good when they are done. When you are a stay at home mom you work hard all day and at the end of the day you often feel tired, have a messy house, and kids complaining about going to bed. There are no quick tangible results. So while I know what I am doing is great and that all the work will produce wonderful productive adults, when I find those stinky balled up socks all over the house I sometimes have a hard time believing it. So I like projects, they give me that feeling of accomplishment that I sometimes need to keep going. So wish me luck, I am off to scrape my floor!

My House of Mystery

I live in a house of mystery. I have lived in my house since August and I have discovered that my house has many things about it that are mystical and mysterious. For instance there is the mysterious opening door !!! At the bottom of the stairs I have a hall closet where the door somehow is always open. I seriously closed it 5 times yesterday! What could be causing this, I think my house is haunted. Or I suppose it could be that the yahtzee and domino games are in that closet and my 6 year old LOVES those games right now.
Then there is the mystery of the rumpled socks. This is a mystery that has follwed me everywhere I go. Whenever I do laundry my husband and kids dirty socks are always crumpled in a dirty, stinky, tight little ball. Now some of you may say "that is no mystery, your husband and kids are to blame" but that just can't be because I have very nicely asked them all multiple times not to do that and I know they love and respect me so much that they wouldn't just ignore my desires.
Then there is the mystery of the crumb covered floor. My dinning room floor is always covered with crumbs. I sweep about 3 times a day but still there are crumbs sticking to my feet whenver I walk through there causing me to go get the broom yet again. Now I suppose it could be that my kids love crackers and they eat like beavers, chop, chop, chop, chop. Or it could just be a mystery.
I also have the toothpaste mystery. Now this only afflicts my kids bathroom. I find though that everyday there are globs of dried on toothpaste all over my kids sink. I suppose I could blame it on the kids, but they swear that they try really hard to get all the toothpaste on the toothbrush.
So I live in a house of mystery. I really am smart enough to realize that all this is caused by messy children, but I find that it is easier to love them if I can blame it all on mysterious supernatural forces. So what mysteries inflict all of your homes?

I have been tagged.

Well I have been tagged by my little sister and she says she will stalk me if I don't do this and she doesn't make idle threats. So I figure all you ever hear about me is that I am pregnant and that I have anger issues here goes...

Ten Years Ago... I was twenty, a newlywed, and a junior in college. I had no thoughts of pregnancy and I was soooooooooo poor, but happy!

Five Places I Have Lived... 1. Buffalo New York, lots of snow and I mean lots of snow, but great friends. 2. Provo Utah, where I went to college and met my honey. 3. Cary Illinois, those fun high school years, ya right. 4. Tulare California, no snow! and swimming at friends houses at least 6 months of the year. 5. Anchorage Alaska, we lived there when I was one and all I remember is lots of darkness, lots of sunlight and eating the moose my dad and uncle killed every flippin day, yuck!

Five Things On My To Do List... 1. Plan ward activity 2. Remove hard to remove kitchen floor tiles 3. Make wedding quilt for baby brother who is all grown up 4. finish curtains so Leslie will stop pestering me 5. Oh, ya push a hopefully smaller than 8 lb baby out of my body.

I Enjoy... The Colbert Report, super funny show, I often laugh so hard I cry. Sewing quilts or clothing. Shopping with my sisters. Going out to diner with my husband. Reading. Running and hiking. Last but not least CHOCOLATE!!!

Three Bad Habits... Eating anything sweet before 9 AM. Asking my husband what's wrong a million times when nothing is wrong at all. Wanting to tell my kids no to something before they have even asked.

Five Things You May Not Know About Me... 1. I always said I would never live in Montana. 2. I really do love my kids and would rather stay home with them than anything. 3. I absolutely hate sappy chic flicks. 4. I can beat my husband at scrabble 9 times out of 10. 5. I love watching America's Next Top Model, it is the dumbest show but somehow I love it.

5 Jobs I Wish I Had... 1. Fabric designer (I can never find what I want). 2. Professional chef. 3. House flipper. 4. american idol contestant (if i could sing) 5. photographer

Numbers are scary!

It is true I am currently afraid of numbers. Now those of you that know me well are probably baffled by this. My husband is an economist, he is one of those weird freaks of nature that loves doing statistics. Every day he comes home with "did you know..." then rattles off a bunch of numbers and figures. Now normally I love this. I think it is very interesting hearing all this info. However, now I am pregnant and there are certain numbers that make me want to go running for the hills. Pregnancy is not a good time for numbers but we are constantly bombarded with them.
The first one, 9! 9 months of pregnancy, and if you are lucky you will fell good for only 3 of them. Here is a number that was scaring me yesterday. I was lugging in my groceries, which is not fun because I have started to have that fun ligament stretching pain in my hips and the bottom of my belly. So anyway as I was hefting the milk I thought I am 22 weeks along, that means I have 18 weeks left. That means I have to bring in groceries 18 more times and every time is going to be harder than the last. If there wasn't snow all over the ground I would have sat down and cried. My poor family, by the end I will only be buying really light things. We will be living on cold cereal, pop corn and cotton candy. Come to think of it they would love that.
The other night my husband and I were talking about how having a baby in June means no family vacation for the summer. So I was saying maybe by August we could just do some fun day trips. He wondered if I meant just the two of us and the baby? I said no I thought we could all go. So he said "ya, I suppose if we are taking one we might as well take the other three". The other THREE! HOLY CRAP, when did I get four kids. The thought of having another baby isn't scary because I have had babies before, but I have never had four kids before. This is kind of overwhelming. My husband and I both admitted that we are afraid. So again numbers, the number 4 is very scary.
Here is another scary number, 6. I was in the bathroom the other day thinking when the baby comes and we move our three year old down stairs that will be three people in each bathroom. I stopped and thought no that is wrong, then I realized that is right. We are going to have 6 people in our family, that is a lot. Now you are probably all thinking I am really stupid right now. Whether about not doing math well or actually having six kids take your pick. I would have to agree my thought processes were probably not working well on either account.
Here is another scary number, 3. I am going to have three daughters! This is kind of scary. My parents had six daughters. I don't know how they did this. They are even mostly sane and my dad still has some hair. I am excited to have daughters, for a while, but then I think of the teenage years. I have tried to explain to my husband how teenage girls are and he gets a disbelieving/scared look on his face. He tells me that teenage boys just need lots of food and to not talk alot. So three girls is a little frightening.
Then there is the scariest number of all... the number you see when you step on the scale! Lately I just avoid the scale. When I go in the bathroom if it is there I just nudge it under the counter with my toe. However, tomorrow I have my monthly appt. there is no avoiding the scale there, plus it is worse because you have a witness who writes the evil number down. Then you sit in the room while your doctor looks at your chart. Now durring these moments of silence I debate what I can say to defend my expanding derrierre. "Would you believe that I am retaining 15 pounds of water" or "I have a disorder called sleep ingestia where I sleep walk into the kitchen and consume mass quantities of cheese cake without even waking up" or should I just be honest and say "I am hungry and I feel crappy so food is my only joy so just leave me alone". Actually my current doctor was great about the weight gain thing when I gained 50 pounds with my last pregnancy so I am not too worried about her, I just don't want to see the number on the scale. I wonder if they would just let me close my eyes and not tell me what the scale says? I think I will try that.
Then there are the numbers of the future. The labor and delivery numbers. For some crazy reason I did my last baby without and epidural. It was awful but I did it. I remember at one point after about 3 hours of pain the doctor said you are doing well, should be about 2 more hours. I wanted to cry. Then at the end when the contractions were 2 minutes apart the nurse telling me after one "you have 1 minute to rest" again I wanted to cry. So labor and delivery are also very scary times for numbers.
So anyway I am afraid of numbers for the time being. Hopefully I will get over this fear in another 4 months (ahhhhhh scary) cause that is how long I have left.