thoughts on infertility

I have been in a rather somber mood today so you aren't going to get any of my angry tirades on pregnancy, motherhood or men. Instead I have been thinking about infertility. Why you ask? Well, like everyone else I have known quite a few people who are effected by it. My parents were brave enough to have 6 daughter and of the 6 of us 3 have had no problems having kids and the other three have had big problems. My oldest sister got things figured out about 4 years ago and she now has an adorable 3 year old little boy. My sister just younger than me dealt with about two years of waiting, taking tests, changing doctors and figuring out that it just wasn't going to happen on its own. So in Oct (I think) they put out the big bucks to pay for invitro fertilization with ICSE (look it up) and now she is due 6 weeks after me. So I am sooooo happy for her. Then there is my youngest little sister. She is coming up on two years of trying and in that time she has had three miscarriages, multiple doctors, lots of medications, thousands of dollars of tests, and this last week surgery. Apparently her uterus isn't the shape it needs to be so they went in and made it the right shape. The hard thing is that every time they do something with her no one is 100 percent sure that it is the answer. So we are all really hoping and praying that this will be the thing that will work. So anyway I just feel so admiration for my sisters, friends and all the women out there who go through this. I really see a lot of strength in them that I don't have myself. As much as I complain about pregnancy and kids (and if you read this blog you know I can really get going) I really do love my kids and I am so grateful that I am pregnant right now. I am starting to get excited to have another cute little girl. I am pretty sure that she will be cute because all my babies have been IDENTICAL, really it is like I am a human Xerox machine. The only difference is that each one comes out will more hair. I had a dream last night that I had had the baby, but I couldn't remember how old she was, or when I had her, or what her name was. In the dream she was so big and I was upset cause I couldn't remember how she was as a newborn or what had led up to her getting to be that size. So do you think I am having a little anxiety about this being my last one. It is weird, or maybe it is normal, cause I know I am ready to be done with the whole pregnancy thing, and my husband and I both feel that four kids is a good number for us, but I apparently I am still sad that this will be the last. Gosh I am such a pregnant woman. One minute I hate pregnancy and want all my kids to be grown and out of the house, the next I am looking through my kids baby books wanting to cry my eyes out. So anyway the ramblings of a pregnant woman. To my baby sister, I love you and I have been thinking of you and praying for you all week, I really hope this works and that you can know the joys and pains of motherhood too.

10 rules for the last trimester.

Everywhere I look there seems to be another rule for pregnant women, especially when you get big enough to show and everyone, and I mean everyone, feels like they need to tell you something else you need to do to take care of that baby. So I have decided to establish some rules for all the non pregnant people out there, certain things you all need to know about how you should be treating women during those last 12 weeks.

Rule #1- DO NOT TELL A PREGNANT WOMAN HOW BIG SHE IS! I was at Wal-Mart yesterday and the greeter lady ask me when I was due, when I told her June 7th she said "wow, you are really big" then she went on to talk about how she thinks it looks like pregnant women are just walking around with basketballs under their shirts and that it is just so cute. I was not amused.

Rule #2- PREGNANT WOMEN SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANYTHING

Rule #3- IF SOMEONE SHOULD DARE TO BREAK RULE 2 A PREGNANT WOMAN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO STAND WHILE SHE WAITS. I thought of this one while I was at my 6 year olds YMCA basketball game. Now there is always that family at these games where one kids parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and even the family mailman fell like they all must attend. Now on my son's team this whole group decides to get there early and take every available seat. Since there is no way I am getting up even earlier on a Saturday that means that I either get to sit on the dirty floor which I will never be able to get up from, or I get to stand for the whole game. So you would think there would be some kind person who would give up their seat for the pregnant woman... but no they all give you a hard stare that says "don't even think about it". Children's sports really don't bring out the best in people.

Rule #4- UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THE WOMAN IN HER THIRD TRIMESTER EVER BE REMINDED THAT IN THE FIRST 5 WEEKS OF PREGNANCY SHE VOWED TO EAT HEALTHY AND ONLY GAIN 30LBS. Even if the woman asked someone to remind her at the end to be healthy. Those words should be completely forgotten and the pregnant woman should be allowed to eat that whole bag of cookies if she wants too.

Rule #5- WHEN THE PREGNANT WOMAN IS ASKED HOW MUCH LONGER SHE HAS NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO MAKE FUN OF HER REPLY. So when you ask how much longer I have and I say 11 weeks, 2 days, and 13 hours. I want no replies about how I am not counting or anything. If you are brave enough to ask any woman how much longer she has you just sit and listen to the answer, cause hey you asked!

Rule #6- THE WOMAN IN HER LAST TRIMESTER IS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO WEAR CUTE CLOTHES, PUT ON MAKEUP, OR MAKE MORE THAN THE PONYTAIL EFFORT ON HER HAIR. I think this rule applies to those well meaning mothers out there. They have all been known to say "You need to do your hair and put on makeup every day, it will make you feel better" well, for me it doesn't make me feel better cause lets face it, no one is looking at my hair or makeup any way. All anyone ever sees is the big belly, I think the thing may as well have a bulls eye on it for all the attention it gets. So moms we love you and we appreciate your concern, but save it for about 6 more months.

Rule #7- THE PREGNANT WOMAN WILL UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR ANY UNFOUNDED NEGATIVE COMMENTS SHE MAKES ABOUT HER HUSBAND. We know we love those guys but right now we want to kill them for the weirdest, and the most acceptable reasons.

Rule #8- THE PREGNANT WOMAN WILL BE ALLOWED TO SLEEP WHENEVER, WHEREVER AND FOR HOWEVER LONG SHE WANTS. Okay so I know this will never happen, but a woman can dream right?

Rule #9- DURING THE THIRD TRIMESTER THE PREGNANT WOMAN WILL NOT BE EXPECTED TO PICK ANYTHING UP OFF THE FLOOR. I think that one is pretty self explanatory.

Rule #10- DURING THE THIRD TRIMESTER YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK TO A PREGNANT WOMAN WITHOUT COMPLIMENTING HER FIRST. I don't know how other women are at this point, but my self esteem is pretty low. I look bad, I hurt in odd places, I find it very difficult to keep my house clean, I forget simple things, and I just can't get anything done with any sort of speed. So be extra, extra nice to us girls during this difficult time (all you pregnant women out there make sure your husbands especially understand this one.)

So there you go. If all of you forward these rules to everyone you know then the word might get out and all of us in that long drawn out third trimester can be treated a little more how WE think we should be treated!

getting better

Well I am finally better, for this month anyway. I was sick last Thurs and Fri, then thought I was better on Sat then woke up Sun morning with aches and a fever. Seeing as how my other two kids also got sick on Monday it was not a fun week. By Tues when I was feeling worse instead of better I decided to call the doc and see if I could take any medication to help me sleep. So of course my doctor was called out of town for a family emergency and the on call doctor decided that he absolutely must see me in the office. Now this is kind of a quandary. When you are sick and worried that it might be getting worse you just know that you need to see the doctor, on the other hand that means getting out of bed, possibly showering, and putting clothes on you haven't been wearing for two days, on top of that add getting your two sick kids to put socks and shoes on over their pajamas if they are even wearing those after days of mom being sick. I think my six year old was just wearing dinosaur undies and a big blanket. So I drag myself and my two kids into a somewhat presentable state and drive to the doctors, arriving at about 2 o'clock. Then I just sit there and watch 5 people get called ahead of me. By now it is 2:40 and I am worried about being able to pick my one healthy child up from school by three. So I drag myself out of my chair and tell the receptionist that I need to leave by three and is there anyway I can get in before that. She walks back to find out for me. When she returned she tells me (in a slightly condescending voice) "the doctors are really busy today and since you don't have an appointment and are seeing the on call doctor you will just have to wait" making it sound like I was the one who wanted to be there and was being impatient for no good reason. Oh I was mad! I am getting to that point of pregnancy where I am so angry I just want to swear all the time. However, I was good, I refrained from any profanities (my parents really did teach me better than that). So I said "I am not trying to be difficult, the doctor was the one who asked me to come in and I HAVE to pick my daughter up from school at three, I can't just not pick her up" at which point the receptionist looked at me in silence deciding whether she could challenge a mother's responsibility to pick her child up from school. I really think she thought it was more important for me to stick to the doctor's schedule than to pick my child up! But, I am guessing that she has dealt with enough pregnant women to know better than to challenge me on that one. So anyway, after that they were great, they got me in and out and gave me a nice prescription for antibiotic "just in case" as the doctor said. There was one silver lining to this whole annoying day. When my husband came home from work with my antibiotics included in the bag was a prescription cough syrup from the nice doctor. Now as I said before I was having a hard time sleeping. My nose was so irritated that it hurt to breathe and my throat was so sore it hurt to breathe through my mouth also. This lovely cough syrup said on the bottom "contains codeine, may cause drowsiness" music to my ears! And for all you worriers out there yes pregnant women can take codeine! So anyway I slept from 10 that night to noon the next day, it was heavenly. I am a big fan of codeine and any doctor that will prescribe it.
So I spent this whole week getting a little bit better every day. One night I made the mistake of telling my husband that I was really starting to feel better. Then an hour later I ran out of energy and started feeling worse again so my stupid stupid husband says to me in an accusing voice "you said you were feeling better" like once you say that it is a binding contract and there is no going back. To which I replied "I was feeling better, now I am feeling worse again." He obviously has not quite gotten the fact that I go from zero to TICKED OFF in about 4.3 seconds. You would think that he would get that after 6 months of pregnancy. So I let him have it I said in a Very SARCASTIC VOICE "you know contrary to what you may think this whole sickness thing is a lot harder on me than it is on you so if you could just pretend to have just a little bit of compasion for me I would really appreciate it" at this point he uses the typical male defense technique of backpeddeling and says "I feel bad for you " to which I said in a very mature 14 year old fashion "whatever" then I left the room to feel sorry for myself and angry at him elsewhere. So it feels good to be feeling better and it is a small comfort to know that there is a bottle containing codeine in the back of my pantry (just in case!).

I just can't think of a clever title right now so deal with it.

Well of course I am sick again, cause you know I was had a stomach bug in Nov, terrible long lasting head cold in Dec, pneumonia took over the month of Jan, and a quick yet violent stomach flu in Feb. So really it is perfect that I am sick because we wouldn't want March to feel left out. So I have aches and pains in all my joints and a terrible cough that really hurts my chest ALOT and yesterday I had a really low fever. So I am not too happy right now. My eight year old got sick on Wed with it, she had a much higher fever so that was sad, oh and did I mention that my husband was out of town for it all. That is just the way life works, it is just one of those things, like if you drop a cupcake it will land frosting side down, or if you wear a white shirt your kids will wipe something gross on it within 5 min and if your husband goes out of town someone will get sick. It was annoying too because I had this nice queen size bed all to myself. Usually when my honey travels I don't sleep very well, but now I am pregnant enough that I was LOVING having the bed all to myself. I slept right in the middle with a bunch of pillows built up all around me. It was like a comfy warm pillow cocoon, or it was until my sick kid got up three times in one night. I was good though, I was nice and compassionate, I got her juice and extra blankets and gave out extra hugs, all those things mom's do for sick kids. So how do I get repaid, I wake up with a painful cough and feel progressively worse throughout the day. So right now I am really tired and I want to take a nap but there is a big problem with that. About six months ago my husband made up a game with our three year old where he lays on the bed and pretends to be asleep then she whacks him in the stomach and he jumps up and yells "I'm awake"! at which point she laughs like crazy and he pretends to go back to sleep. So as you can imagine if I lay down and close my eyes for even a minute she is thrilled that I am going to play the game with her. Those darn husbands that play with their kids, what am I going to do with him. So anyway this bug only bothered my daughter for two days, so hopefully I will be as lucky.