FAT

Well somewhere in the last two months it happened. I got fat. I have not gained 50 pounds, and I don't think I will, so I am not completely depressed... but I am definitely fat. How did this happen, I was doing so well. For the times I wasn't doing well the pneumonia and multiple bouts of stomache flu kept me on track. I wonder... could it be the mint chocolate ice cream, maybe the oreo cookies, then there was that cheesecake that one time (man that was good). So really the culprit is that sometime in the last two months I officially got my sweet tooth back, and I think it felt like it had some catching up to do. Now some of you out there will be like my husband and say "you're not fat your pregnant". Well that is a nice thing to say, but I am not carying the baby in my rear end and that part of my body has grown faster than my belly. So these are the ways I have been forced to end my denial and realize that I have truly gotten fat. Ironically I don't know that I am fat from stepping on the scale because quite honestly I avoid that like the plague. When I see my scale I usually nudge it under the counter, put it in a closet, or try and flush it down the toilet, but it always comes back. The times that I am forced to step on the scale (dr. office) I have a list of excuses that pop into my head before the nurse stops tapping that stupid weight continuosly to the right (just once I would like that weight to be tapped to the left). Like "wow I am retaining 10 pounds of water", or "oh no I shouldn't have worn my lead underware today". On a side note as uncomfortable as it can be to get swollen I am pretty sure all pregnant women are greatful for the whole water retention thing so they can always have that excuse at weighing time. So no the scale doesn't tell me I am fat. One way I know that I am fat is that my children have told me. My three year old is really into that size comparison thing from watching kids shows. So these days if something is small she says it is little like her and if something is big she says "that is big, like mommy", never that something is big like daddy. Then there is my eight year old who said the other day "mom, it is a good thing you are pregnant or I would think you are really fat". We all know that kids don't lie, so I have to accept their words as truth. Another way that I know I am fat is that my maternity clothes are not tight on my belly, but some of them are sure tight on my legs. Also if I kneel down on the floor it feels like there is something wedged between the back of my legs and my calves, this is not too comfortable, so when I look to see what this offending material is so that I can remove it I realize "oh ya, that is just my fat and unfortunately it can't be removed easily". I was making my bed the other day and I noticed there is definitely an indentation in the matress at my hip butt thigh area, it was not a pretty sight. It reminded me of a Simpsons episode where someone invades their house and the thing that Homer is most horrified about is that they ruined his "butt groove" on his couch (they used a different word on the show but I try to keep things clean) so I, like Homer, have a butt groove and any comparing of one's body to Homer Simpsons means that you are officially fat. I also realized that I have deffinite signs of fat old man syndrome, you know every time a fat man gets up he has to pull his pants up (which my husband pointed out we are grateful they do), well whenever I stand up I have to give my pants that tug, and not just a little tug but a tug in the front, the back and on the sides of my pants.
This whole pregnancy thing really isn't fair. We women give up so much for these children, our figures, our sanity, our ability to have a normal adult conversation or to leave the house with just a cute little purse. What do we get in return... no sleep, blow out diapers, cholic (for us and the baby) oh ya and a cute addorable little baby (so ya I know it is totaly worth it). So this time around rather than get depressed about the fattness I have decided to embrace it. I LOVE MY FAT!!!!!!!!! Okay so maybe that is a lie. I am trying to not let it get to me and just accepting it as part of what my body does when I am pregnant. The other night my husband was reading the paper on line and there was a bunch of articles on pregnancy so he says "do you want to know how many women gain 40 or more pounds in pregnancy?" so I say sure thinking the number will make me feel better about myself. So he clicks on the link and is silent for a moment and says "are you sure you want to know?". So I say "just tell me" 20%!!!!!! Can you believe it!!!!! My first reaction was to cry or to throw something (it seems these days my first reaction is always to throw something). So I only have 20% of pregnant women out there to keep me company in my fatness, whats the deal? But then I remebered the whole "not overreacting deal of it being part of my pregnancies blah blah blah". So I nonchalantly said "oh that is interesting". Really who cares, I only have six more weeks out of this and as long as I get a healthy baby I will be okay with a bunch of extra fat thrown into the deal (but really I am almost positive that it is ALL WATER).