Everywhere I look there seems to be another rule for pregnant women, especially when you get big enough to show and everyone, and I mean everyone, feels like they need to tell you something else you need to do to take care of that baby. So I have decided to establish some rules for all the non pregnant people out there, certain things you all need to know about how you should be treating women during those last 12 weeks.
Rule #1- DO NOT TELL A PREGNANT WOMAN HOW BIG SHE IS! I was at Wal-Mart yesterday and the greeter lady ask me when I was due, when I told her June 7th she said "wow, you are really big" then she went on to talk about how she thinks it looks like pregnant women are just walking around with basketballs under their shirts and that it is just so cute. I was not amused.
Rule #2- PREGNANT WOMEN SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANYTHING
Rule #3- IF SOMEONE SHOULD DARE TO BREAK RULE 2 A PREGNANT WOMAN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO STAND WHILE SHE WAITS. I thought of this one while I was at my 6 year olds YMCA basketball game. Now there is always that family at these games where one kids parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and even the family mailman fell like they all must attend. Now on my son's team this whole group decides to get there early and take every available seat. Since there is no way I am getting up even earlier on a Saturday that means that I either get to sit on the dirty floor which I will never be able to get up from, or I get to stand for the whole game. So you would think there would be some kind person who would give up their seat for the pregnant woman... but no they all give you a hard stare that says "don't even think about it". Children's sports really don't bring out the best in people.
Rule #4- UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THE WOMAN IN HER THIRD TRIMESTER EVER BE REMINDED THAT IN THE FIRST 5 WEEKS OF PREGNANCY SHE VOWED TO EAT HEALTHY AND ONLY GAIN 30LBS. Even if the woman asked someone to remind her at the end to be healthy. Those words should be completely forgotten and the pregnant woman should be allowed to eat that whole bag of cookies if she wants too.
Rule #5- WHEN THE PREGNANT WOMAN IS ASKED HOW MUCH LONGER SHE HAS NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO MAKE FUN OF HER REPLY. So when you ask how much longer I have and I say 11 weeks, 2 days, and 13 hours. I want no replies about how I am not counting or anything. If you are brave enough to ask any woman how much longer she has you just sit and listen to the answer, cause hey you asked!
Rule #6- THE WOMAN IN HER LAST TRIMESTER IS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO WEAR CUTE CLOTHES, PUT ON MAKEUP, OR MAKE MORE THAN THE PONYTAIL EFFORT ON HER HAIR. I think this rule applies to those well meaning mothers out there. They have all been known to say "You need to do your hair and put on makeup every day, it will make you feel better" well, for me it doesn't make me feel better cause lets face it, no one is looking at my hair or makeup any way. All anyone ever sees is the big belly, I think the thing may as well have a bulls eye on it for all the attention it gets. So moms we love you and we appreciate your concern, but save it for about 6 more months.
Rule #7- THE PREGNANT WOMAN WILL UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR ANY UNFOUNDED NEGATIVE COMMENTS SHE MAKES ABOUT HER HUSBAND. We know we love those guys but right now we want to kill them for the weirdest, and the most acceptable reasons.
Rule #8- THE PREGNANT WOMAN WILL BE ALLOWED TO SLEEP WHENEVER, WHEREVER AND FOR HOWEVER LONG SHE WANTS. Okay so I know this will never happen, but a woman can dream right?
Rule #9- DURING THE THIRD TRIMESTER THE PREGNANT WOMAN WILL NOT BE EXPECTED TO PICK ANYTHING UP OFF THE FLOOR. I think that one is pretty self explanatory.
Rule #10- DURING THE THIRD TRIMESTER YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK TO A PREGNANT WOMAN WITHOUT COMPLIMENTING HER FIRST. I don't know how other women are at this point, but my self esteem is pretty low. I look bad, I hurt in odd places, I find it very difficult to keep my house clean, I forget simple things, and I just can't get anything done with any sort of speed. So be extra, extra nice to us girls during this difficult time (all you pregnant women out there make sure your husbands especially understand this one.)
So there you go. If all of you forward these rules to everyone you know then the word might get out and all of us in that long drawn out third trimester can be treated a little more how WE think we should be treated!
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7 comments:
Just to share. Here is an unfair pregnancy oddity. A fellow that I work with's wife is due in about 5 weeks. They found out last week. Yes last week. She was over weight and started a new job that she thought was making her more tired plus being on birth control they didn't suspect until her chubby belly took on a very round shape. Could you imagine all the terrible things that happen to a woman when she is pregnant happening and not even having a reason. She just thought that was what life was like. She didn't even know that the rules would apply to her.
I love your first rule. I wish people thought about that before saying things like "you're the biggest pregnant lady I've ever seen" or "is there really only one baby in there?"
Compliment 1st:
Karen I just wanted to tell you how I think you look so beautiful when you are pregnant!
Note 2nd:
You are SO funny!
Yup, number one is a good one. A girl at church walked up to me and said "YOU ARE JUST GETTING HUGE@!!!"
thanks.....
:)
this is the greatest list ever! number one and ten are particularly timely. thanks for putting into words how all pregnant ladies should be treated.
Amen! And you look lovely, even though I can't see you.
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