A House Of Idiots

Well it is true, I am actually feeling good, I would almost say great. I am not sick, I am not tired and I am not big enough to be uncomfortable. Sometimes I even forget that I am pregnant until I try to bend over. I have had to adjust my straight forward bend down to legs slightly apart then squat a little and bend a little, it may not be pretty but it works. So anyway you probably think that I would just enjoy this time of well being and relax. But here is the thing after being sick for so long sitting around and doing nothing just doesn't appeal to me. Plus the more time I have with nothing to do but clean the house and read books to my three year old the longer pregnancy is. So I have taken on a project. Of course it is not something simple and easy, no it is tearing up my kitchen floor. Now a lot of you all ready know that we live in a house built in 1950 that we bought in August. We like the house a lot except for the nightmare kitchen. It is pretty bad, no counter space no cabinet space, and yes those upper cabinets are literally taller than me. So anyway I discovered that some design impaired idiot covered up hard wood floors with plastic blue floor tiles sometime in the 1960's, then in the 80's some other idiot covered the blue floor tiles with pink and white linoleum. If this house has been owned by a handful of idiots what does that say about me, hmmmmm. Anyway, I LOVE hard wood floors, they are my favorite home decor thing. So I decided for my project to remove all the idiot inspired linoleum and tiles. This is not an easy job. In fact it is really difficult. So much so to the point that I really am convinced that owning this house really does make you an idiot. This is how the process goes.

1. Cut the linoleum into strips with a knife.

2. Say a prayer that it will just peel off.

3. Say a prayer of gratitude when some of it does.

4. Chip away at the pieces that don't with a putty knife while you trying not to curse.

Pink linoleum gone now move onto the blue floor tiles

5. Place an iron set to high on the tile.

6. After it is hot take a hammer and putty knife and pry with the knife while banging the back of it with the hammer.

7. Repeat steps 5 & 6 again and again and again for 140 sq ft of kitchen floor.

Blue tiles gone, now for the fun part the idiot who put down these blue tiles glued two layers of this black felt like tar paper to the wood floor first.

8. Boil a big pot of water and vinegar.

9. Spread a towel over the black paper.

10. Pour boiling water over the towel.

11. For the next two days every four or five hours scrape more paper off the floor as the water softens and disintegrates the glue. This step also involves a lot of trying not to curse.

12. Scrub the wood floor with crud cutter to remove all extra glue.

So that is what my project is. Last night as I was scrapping off some of the tar paper I had a vision of a middle aged man in the 1960's gluing down the last blue tile and saying to his wife "this floor is NEVER coming up!". So ya I think this house has turned me into a flooring idiot, but at least my floor will be pretty and classic when it is done. I know I know I could have easily just covered the floor with another layer of something else, but honestly there was starting to be a definite difference in floor levels from the kitchen to the other rooms. Pretty soon we would have needed a step ladder to get from one room to the other and I all ready use a step ladder to get into my cupboards. I don't want two step ladders in my house. So anyway there is my project, but really I have always liked projects I feel really good when they are done. When you are a stay at home mom you work hard all day and at the end of the day you often feel tired, have a messy house, and kids complaining about going to bed. There are no quick tangible results. So while I know what I am doing is great and that all the work will produce wonderful productive adults, when I find those stinky balled up socks all over the house I sometimes have a hard time believing it. So I like projects, they give me that feeling of accomplishment that I sometimes need to keep going. So wish me luck, I am off to scrape my floor!