thoughts on infertility

I have been in a rather somber mood today so you aren't going to get any of my angry tirades on pregnancy, motherhood or men. Instead I have been thinking about infertility. Why you ask? Well, like everyone else I have known quite a few people who are effected by it. My parents were brave enough to have 6 daughter and of the 6 of us 3 have had no problems having kids and the other three have had big problems. My oldest sister got things figured out about 4 years ago and she now has an adorable 3 year old little boy. My sister just younger than me dealt with about two years of waiting, taking tests, changing doctors and figuring out that it just wasn't going to happen on its own. So in Oct (I think) they put out the big bucks to pay for invitro fertilization with ICSE (look it up) and now she is due 6 weeks after me. So I am sooooo happy for her. Then there is my youngest little sister. She is coming up on two years of trying and in that time she has had three miscarriages, multiple doctors, lots of medications, thousands of dollars of tests, and this last week surgery. Apparently her uterus isn't the shape it needs to be so they went in and made it the right shape. The hard thing is that every time they do something with her no one is 100 percent sure that it is the answer. So we are all really hoping and praying that this will be the thing that will work. So anyway I just feel so admiration for my sisters, friends and all the women out there who go through this. I really see a lot of strength in them that I don't have myself. As much as I complain about pregnancy and kids (and if you read this blog you know I can really get going) I really do love my kids and I am so grateful that I am pregnant right now. I am starting to get excited to have another cute little girl. I am pretty sure that she will be cute because all my babies have been IDENTICAL, really it is like I am a human Xerox machine. The only difference is that each one comes out will more hair. I had a dream last night that I had had the baby, but I couldn't remember how old she was, or when I had her, or what her name was. In the dream she was so big and I was upset cause I couldn't remember how she was as a newborn or what had led up to her getting to be that size. So do you think I am having a little anxiety about this being my last one. It is weird, or maybe it is normal, cause I know I am ready to be done with the whole pregnancy thing, and my husband and I both feel that four kids is a good number for us, but I apparently I am still sad that this will be the last. Gosh I am such a pregnant woman. One minute I hate pregnancy and want all my kids to be grown and out of the house, the next I am looking through my kids baby books wanting to cry my eyes out. So anyway the ramblings of a pregnant woman. To my baby sister, I love you and I have been thinking of you and praying for you all week, I really hope this works and that you can know the joys and pains of motherhood too.